Before the call, I was the fun one. The messy one. The one with a safety net. After that call, I became the person who had to figure it all out — and quickly.

The call came as I was getting dressed, so I didn’t even have pants on when the phone rang. “Hi Alison, this is Holly, the captain of the charter boat your mom was traveling with. Something happened today and..your mom has died. The authorities are here right now taking everyone’s statements. I am so sorry.” It took me 40 minutes to be convinced it wasn’t a scam and a day and a half to get on a plane to the Bahamas to figure out how get my 67 year old mom’s body back to the United States. 

One thing about my mom is she had her shit together. Me, on the other hand, I was messy… but in a fun, lovable way. ;) I had room to be carefree, light, and fun because I had people in my life to keep my feet on the ground and show me how to be a responsible adult.

As we ferociously searched her waterfront condo for her Will, I grew increasingly frustrated. My heart raced, both out of shock of the news and out of frustration that I hadn't had better conversations about what the hell to do if and when she died. We thought we had more time.  The time ticked on-tick.tick.tick. Why the hell was that damn clock so loud? I breathlessly muttered into the stark emptiness of her office..”MOM, COME ON. Where the HELL did you put your will?” 

My frustration was met with only the sound of the salt air breeze rustling the grasses and reeds on the shoreline just outside of her office window that I opened to get some fresh air to fill my lungs..the Will was nowhere to be found.

As salty tears ran down my cheeks, I told my husband there was no way I could decide how we would get her body back to the United States without finding the Will first. I needed someone to tell me what to do. I needed MY MOM to tell me what to do. I was hoping the Will would be some sort of magic instruction manual on how to make every decision of my life from here on out. That she would show me, remind me, teach me how to move forward.

Over the next couple of days and months as the shock lessened, we found the Will, remembered conversations we’d had with our mom, and slowly, found clarity about the path forward. 

Yet, although my mom had her shit together, she died suddenly and long before she expected to, so there were loose ends that weren’t tied. Being an executor and going through the probate process is really hard.

Your overwhelming grief is not met with a reassuring smile and a hug, it is met with piles of paperwork, a crippling to-do list, rude customer service people, and wait times. Everyone at every turn expects you to know what the hell you’re doing and it felt like I was doing EVERYTHING wrong. My sister was there as a support 100%, but every time I hit a hurdle, the voice in my head kept saying, "Wow..Why did your mom trust you with this? You mess everything up." (Not that the system is shitty and impractical..that something was wrong with ME.)

To be honest, there were times I just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep until someone else just took this whole thing over, but apparently that’s not an option when you have a legal obligation to finish Probate and taxes and disbursements.

So, step-by-step, day-by-day..I have been slowly trudging along. Imperfectly.

I’ve grieved and I’ve grown. I’ve cussed, I’ve cried and I’ve continued on. Now, I recognize a gift my mom gave me from beyond; The knowledge that I CAN do hard and responsible things, even when they're not fun. I can now sit in the sadness and the mess, and turn this nightmare of a situation into something positive..for myself and for others. She always had a gift of giving a positive spin (even when you don't wanna hear it LOL). And I guess that gift has always been inside of me too. My heart is broken, but also has grown in hundreds of ways, my level of empathy is expanded, and I have realized a skill set that I never knew was possible. 

All of this to say..I am ready to serve more people who are in the messy stage. I want to encourage more people to make sure their estate plans are in place. I want to be the real estate emergency contact for you when you get one call that might change your life forever - because I am okay with sitting in the mess with you, too. I will meet you with a reassuring smile, a hug, and a patient listening ear. I didn't have magic manual to tell me what to do, so I figured it out. Everyone’s process is different, but I know I can sit with you in the mess, ask good questions to help you find your way, give you some encouragement, and we can both help each other take the next best step forward.